Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Randomize
