we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Houston, we have a blender
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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