Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
