dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
