Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize