Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
