Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
