Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
