I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
