I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
