you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
