And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
