Say something about gay babies.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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