So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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