he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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