My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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