YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
im holly from the hills drunk
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
