On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
