It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
