I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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