she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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