I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
