The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
