I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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