Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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