I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize