How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
