I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
