then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
NoShamevember. You game?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
