What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize