My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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