Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
