Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
