oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
