Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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