I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
