White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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