U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
You left your phone here
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