Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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