How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
