I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
stop calling my apartment porn island.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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