Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
