Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You peed on a flamingo?!?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
