problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
