i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
