I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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