so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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