Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
