Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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