1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
we're blogging at a bar
Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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