pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize