So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize