Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
