we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
