I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
