:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
cat food counts as protein by the way
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
