omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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