i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize