I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
