My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
