he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Farmville is her only friend.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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