i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
