I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
