I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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