help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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