Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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