she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
