so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
