She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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