I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
