okay pat passed out under dana's car
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
My life is pants optional.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
