Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
